Because I am trying to figure out if I really want to stay within a community that has no ambition and thinks that marriage is for setting roots, not giving wings to two people to become more than they are on their own. 

Because I am well-aware that in said community, I’m an anomaly - a liberal, atheist, profane, irreverent, hilarious, non-subservient, wine-loving, bacon-adoring, “loose”, free-spirited, world-seeking, travel-addicted woman. And I don’t come with more recommendations than I do with warnings. 

Because as far as I can tell, men in this community want a sex-doll in bed, a cook/dishwasher in the kitchen, a ego-masseuse in the living room, a nanny in the kids’ room, and a housekeeper in general. I am really not good at or even interested in ANY of those roles.

Because I don’t know men in my community to have surpassed these dealbreakers: 

• No Sense of adventure: I am trying to break out of my comfort zone FOREVER. I don’t want to live the lives of those before me - that holds no meaning for me. I want to travel the world, see new places, learn new things, do the amazing and the impossible or at least TRY. If you would prefer to sit on the couch and watch tv rather than go out and do something, I don’t really want to be with you.
• Rudeness to others seemingly beneath you or “other” to you: If you make “so gay” jokes, don’t talk to me. I have LGBTQ friends and I ADORE them. If I have to wonder whether you will judge them when they meet you for the first time, I’d rather not wonder about you at all. Same goes for being rude to wait-staff and those at a disadvantage. 
• Violent/misanthrope tendencies: Why do I even have to explain this? Included in this category are stupid comments on feminism, racism, and casteism. Also, making jokes about my body or any one else’s is sure to classify you as either “shallow”, “a dick”, or “not worth it”. Sometimes, “all of the above”.
• Unwilling to help around the house/office: If you don’t help me out or pick up after yourself, you’re toast, mister. Seriously, if I wanted to wait on someone hand and foot, I’d go be a nanny. And get PAID for it.
• Men with low self-esteem (MWLSE): You don’t like strong women? Tough. You are insecure because my success or my personality scares you? Sorry, I’m not sorry. It took me long enough to understand that I don’t need to make myself smaller to make someone else feel bigger, and I’m still working on it. Downplaying myself so you can feel good? Ain’t happening in this house.

Because I am who I am, but I am also trying to be who I will be. If you are not someone like that, you are probably not going to like me. And guess what? I am okay with that. But try explaining that to well-meaning community elders who think that marriage is the be-all, end-all of life. 

Because I don’t want to marry someone outside of my dealbreakers, nor do I hold much stock in the idea of hitching my wagon to someone who is not my best friend. I really am an acquired taste, and I am willing to wait and see what happens.

Because I fucking say so, and that is all.