Aspiring global citizen & enthusiastic language learner. Food lover, but newbie cook. Struggling fitness enthusiast, but working on getting back on the track to strength and health.
Wanderlust-ridden skill-seeker. Fun-loving woman with a lot of heart, and hoping to make a mark on the world and got some things to say while I am at it.
Just hoping to stay awesome and keep it all together, in spite of the ever-prevailing sense of impending doom. I mean, have you seen the world lately?
I think that the story you’ve been making with and around this girl might be eating your life. And I think a healthy way for you to handle things is to pull back on your contact with Z. and throw yourself into life where you live and stop waiting for her to climb through your window. She isn’t coming.
Love rode 1500 miles on a grey
hound bus & climbed in my window
one night to surprise
both of us.
the pleasure of that sleepy
shock has lasted a decade
now or more because she is
always still doing it and I am
always still pleased. I do indeed like
who come half a continent
just for me; I am not saying that patience
is virtuous, Love
like anybody else, comes to those who
and leave their windows open.
I remember once being advised by a doctor to abandon the practice of smoking, and he said that I should find it easier if, whenever the desire came upon me, I proceeded to suck on an acid drop. It is in this spirit that St. Paul recommends marriage.
Bertrand Russell, MarriageandMorals (as quoted in _I Don’t: A Contrarian History of Marriage_ (2008) by Susan Squire)
I am all for the idea of love following marriage, rather than vice versa as the book proves, at least in regards to the history of Western notions about marriage, sex, sexuality and love. The book is an entertaining read, though it does end rather abruptly around the 1600s.
Of course, you never really forget anyone, but you certainly release them. You stop allowing their history to have any meaning for you today. You let them change their haircut, let them move, let them fall in love again. And when you see this person you have let go, you realize that there is no reason to be sad. The person you knew exists somewhere, but you are separated by too much time to reach them again.
If you find yourself disregarding something she is saying because she is upset as she is saying it, notice that this is sexism. You may have been raised to believe emotion is not rational and is therefore not legitimate. That is for you to unlearn, not for you to impose on others. Emotion and intuition, when finely honed, serve clear thinking. Don’t retreat into your head or use logic to disconnect from empathy when you find emotions coming your way; clear thinking is informed by ethics and compassion. Build up your capacity to feel and to respond to feelings in a rational, intuitive, self-aware way. You’ll be more human for it, and a better feminist, too.
I want to live in a world where there isn’t a hierarchy of relationships, where romantic love isn’t assumed to be more important than other kinds, where folks can center any relationships they want whether it be their relationship to their spiritual practice, kids, lovers, friends, etc. and not have some notion that it’s more or less important because of who or what’s in focus. I want to feel like I can develop intimacy with people whether we are sleeping together or not that I will be cared for whether I am romantically involved with someone or not. I want a community that takes interdependency seriously that doesn’t assume that it’s only a familial or romantic relationship responsibility to be there for each other.