theangrytherapist:

Love at first sight isn’t love.  It’s lust.  It’s a strong animalistic attraction formed from the energy we give off from our wiring / story / tools plus our firm grip on love stories from movies and fairytales.  I understand you can see someone from across the room, lock eyes, and a few months later you’re moving in together, adopting a dog, or tying the knot.  These things happen.  It happened to me.  But that’s not love at first sight.  The love doesn’t come until later, and it’s usually a rocky one.  Or it isn’t love at all.  It’s stretched attraction, a tornado of chaos. He’s Sid and you’re Nancy.

At second sight, you may find the person attractive but you don’t necessarily think you found your soulmate.  Your socks are still on.  But  you’re curious and willing to make an effort to be “coincidentally” around that person as much as you can.  It’s a slower start, a gradual build.  You have more power in this one.  Logic is still accessible.  You have not lost yourself.  Or your life.  This means you will have the ability to make healthier choices.  And this ability keeps the relationship on it’s tracks, from not veering off the road and nose diving into a swamp.  Basically, the chances of this relationship having legs increases.   

Third sight is someone you’ve been friends with.  Usually a good friend.  Maybe even a childhood friend.  No matter the duration, you are friends first.  There was no instant “I wanna rip your clothes off”.  You’ve grown to like this person and like budding leaves, saw more and more growth, not only in the relationship but yourself because of the relationship.  He’s Harry and you’re Sally.  The potential of this turning into something great increases exponentially.  When attraction forms from something that already has a built in base, a foundation, you are going into something with a head start.  I call it legs.  There are no surprises.  And if there are, hopefully they’re pleasant.  But the flip side to love at third sight is once you cross that friend line, the friendship you had dies and a new one builds, one with a different dynamic.  So there’s risk.  What you’re doing is trading in your friend for a lover.  Many people don’t see it that way.  They want to hold on to both and that’s when things go south.

I’ve experienced love at first sight and second.  But I have yet to experience love at third sight so this is just my theory based on being a therapist and insight.  I think age plays a factor as well.  When we’re in our teens and twenties, we’re only looking for that first sight or maybe second sight love.  We don’t look at what’s right under our nose. Because we’re searching for exciting, fresh, and instant.  It’s not until later, after many hours of therapy and possibly a rebirth, that we realize power doesn’t always equal quality.  Powerful attraction usually points to dysfunction.  There’s no free lunch and it applies to relationships as well.  If it seems too good to be true, it usually is.  Unless the “too good” is built.  Not seen.

- Angry

Ah, this has been on my mind for a while now.